


Cuts

by StrawberryStories



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Blood, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Octavia Blake Deserves Better, Protective Lincoln (The 100), Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-16
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-05-12 21:39:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19237627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StrawberryStories/pseuds/StrawberryStories
Summary: Octavia Blake needs help.





	Cuts

**Author's Note:**

> So I wrote this last year too. it's about the moment when Octavia cut herself in front of that mirror in season 5 before she burned Monty's farm. I think there's almost no mentions of Lincoln so I just wrote one ^^ and also changed this scene a little. I truly think she deserves better.

 

Octavia Blake lost herself.

  
As she looked at herself at the broken mirror, for a moment she couldn't recognize who she was anymore. Since when she became a dictator? Since when she was a leader? Octavia Blake was a _warrior_. Blodreina was a leader.

  
But Octavia wasn't Blodreina.

  
And Blodreina wasn't Octavia.

  
Blodreina awaked at the moment Pike shot Lincoln's head. At the moment she saw the person she loves falling to the ground breathless. Blodreina awaked at the exact moment Octavia realized she was standing there useless. That she wasn't able to stop what happened to the most important person for her.

  
And then everything got worse.

They got stuck in a bunker, and Octavia did the worst things she could ever imagine when there was no choice. It awaked blodreina again. Everytime Octavia tried to wipe away her feelings, Blodreina showed up.

She asked herself again and again in the head who the hell she was? Why she was so thirsty for power, why did she made those decisions even if she knew they were wrong?

  
She took a piece of a glass. And looked at it. It was Blodreina's reflection again. She had to get rid of her. She had to go back and be Octavia. The real warrior. Someone who wouldn't send the most important people in her life to die.

  
As she looked at Blodreina all the memories from what she had to do in the dark year came up again. It was like Blodreina was fighting. Like she tried to remind Octavia that she's the one who rules her mind and body.

  
The piece of the glass she picked up was closer to her arm, almost touching the most important veins in her hand.

  
Maybe that's how she will get rid of Blodreina.

  
But was she really willing to completely lose herself, just to get rid of some _memories_?

  
She closed her eyes and saw the things that happened during the dark year.

  
Yeah. She was.

  
No more Blodreina.

  
"No more Octavia." She whispered to herself and cut deeply in one of her hands.

  
She closed her eyes in pain. The blood started dropping rapidly. And she felt like she was losing herself even more. Now she couldn't feel her body, either.

  
She collapsed to the floor in pain.  Holding  her hand and crying.

  
"Who am I?" She cried, holding her hand closer to her chest.

  
"Octavia?" She heared a voice she didn't hear for the past 6 years. No. That couldn't be.

  
"L-Lincoln?" She looked up and saw the most precious person for her. Standing in front of her and smiling.

  
He kneeled down and touched her cheek.  
"W-what are you doing here?" She touched his hand and he whipped her tears.

  
"Octavia, what are you doing to yourself?" He said softly. Looking into her eyes.

  
"I-I don't know. I want those memories gone. You don't know what have I done."

  
"You did everything you did because you didn't have a choice. You maybe made few wrong decisions but I know this isn't who you are. You're not Blodreina, she's not all of you. you're Octavia Blake. You're the most brave and strong girl I know and you can make everyone follow you into the right way." He said, every word of him was the world for Octavia. He felt so real. She could smell him again, touch him.

  
"I can't fix what I've done. I've gone too far Lincoln. I-I was lost without you." Her voice broke.

  
"You have to keep going in the right way like you did when I was by your side. Be yourself, Octavia. Don't let nothing and anyone control you, not Blodreina and not Skairipa. Be yourself."

  
He stared into her eyes again for few minutes and she kissed him.

  
"You're not real, aren't you?" She whispered.

  
"I'm not real only if you don't want me to be. I'm always by your side Octavia. I love you. Please remember that." He smiled.

  
"I love you too." She closed her eyes again, and at the moment she opened them he was gone. And she was almost drowning in her own blood.

  
She wasn't going to give up to herself. Not now.

  
She cut a piece from her shirt and put it on her hand.  
She managed to get up and took a deepbreath as she was saying to herself:

  
"I'm Octavia Blake."


End file.
